Lessons from a Cat on a Man's Shoulder
A story of risk-taking, silliness and surrender while coaching outdoors
Hello,
I recently had a beautiful opportunity to coach a client walking through a bustling London park as the Spring sun was setting. It turned into a reminder of the importance of intuition and risk.
The heart of the matter led us to improvise a timeline technique along one of the park’s paths, incorporating some visualisation to achieve the desired future state. As the exercise came to a close, the client remarked, ‘I just need to give myself a good talking to’.
I pounced! Metaphorically.
Seconds later, we’re improvising some chair work (without the chairs!) with the client choosing a barren, muddy patch of grass to represent the present self, and a patch of daisies to speak to the future self.
Toward the end of the exercise, they looked away and said, ‘Sorry, George. I’ve got a bit distracted. There’s a man walking with a cat on his shoulder’.
At this moment, I was internally conflicted. Part of me wanted to keep the rapport, offer a reassurance not to worry, usher him back to the exercise. In other words, to play it safe.
But there was a sharper pang of intuition. An instinct to show everything curiosity and playfulness. To work with what is. Rather like jumping off the high diving board at the local swimming pool, I went for it.
‘Let’s give ourselves permission to be illogical here’, I re-contraced. ‘If that cat on the man’s shoulder was trying to tell you something, what might that be?’.
Silence. What felt like a long silence. In reality was probably 2.5 seconds.
‘Well, the cat is like the monkey on my shoulder. And it is holding me back. I need to let go. Get it off my shoulder. Delegate more to the team to free me up’.
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This short interaction speaks to some of my principles and beliefs for my coaching, and where I think a lot of coaches will enjoy leaning into:
Coaching Outdoors
Covid-era coaching online and coaching in a typical closed office are controlled environments. Sealed off. Hermetic. Safe.
This is helpful in many ways, but the beauty of working outdoors is that there are always so many opportunities, invitations to stimulate new thinking. Random occurrences or objects to notice which might help your client with deeper awareness or a more profound expression of what they are experiencing.
It is an abundant stage on which to conduct your coaching. I am a passionate advocate of outdoor coaching for many, many reasons. And one big one is this stimulation, this abundant data, opportunity and playfulness that presents itself every time.
Trusting Our Client’s Creativity and Resourcefulness
I had no idea if a cat on a shoulder would mean anything. It might even have harmed the rapport. But we coaches, I believe, are here to model risk taking, not knowing. To be illogical, to bring in silliness. To ask totally weird questions that challenge assumptions and presupposed beliefs.
A leaf falling on a client’s lap as they speak. A squirrel running up towards us. They don’t need to make sense. But by offering a nice open question, we are inviting the opportunity for our client to find a deeper meaning, to help spark some new thinking.
We are trusting their ability to make meaning and we are trusting in their creativity. We are modelling a vulnerability, a surrender to not ‘making sense’ or saying the right thing.
Working With What Is
There is a coach I admire a lot who posts regularly, and provocatively, on LinkedIn. I have appreciated his angle on some of the anxieties that we coaches might be holding, and how they might show up in our work. How they might lead to ineffective, or even harmful coaching.
I wrote previously about the risk of ‘clinging to the side of the pool’ and feeling the need for the structure that a linear coaching model might bring. And my own coaching effectiveness went into warp speed when I consciously worked on my own perceived need for rigid, controlled structure.
Many of us coaches hold an anxiety about ‘control’ in the coaching space. While honouring the time boundaries and, perhaps, a clear 'beginning, middle and end’, what if we surrendered? What if we let go of the need to know, to know what next, where to go. What if we opened ourselves and our client to outside stimulus?
Even coaching online, what if the cat in the background is trying to indicate something? What if the child knocking at the door could give your client advice on their topic? If your client looked out the window, what might the natural world bring to the coaching conversation if we invited it/
Perhaps it isn’t always about learning the next shiny new coaching model. Or studying the latest piece of research. Or taking that next course.
Perhaps, it isn’t even about adding tools to your toolkit.
Perhaps, it is about the mindset that you are bringing. Perhaps it is about being prepared to ask weird questions in the moment. Perhaps it is listening to that pang of intuition.
Perhaps it is about opening your coaching field of vision to the panorama of data and opportunities that are unfolding in every coaching conversation.
This is my truth, tell me yours.
With gratitude,
George
Updates and resources:
Spring will see the launch of my new podcast series, The Edge of Coaching. There is a beautiful roster of guests for series one, with some very exciting and important conversations to help those who coach.
I’m pleased to offer Mentor Coaching for an ICF ACC Credential or Reaccreditation. A 10 hour virtual program, a mixture of group and 1-2-1 mentor coaching sessions, running across three months.
I’m also keeping more space open this year for 1-2-1 and group supervision work. As well as individual sessions, I’ll be offering:
a supervision group for those wanting to grow their coaching confidence
a supervision group for more established coaches looking to stretch and grow their skillset and coaching model
Drop me a message back here or an email for more details or to arrange a conversation.
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